Month: June 2013

A Questionable Friendship – The Finale

2 posts in 2 days’ time. I have never been so diligent, I must say.

Humans show preferences. And, this is based on an individual’s perspective. Is such perspective right or wrong? It’s neither right nor wrong. It’s a personal preference. It’s as simple as why a person chooses something over another.

Let me give you an example / a scenario:

You go to a shop to buy a dress with your friend. You see a pink dress and you like it. Why? Perhaps you like pink. Perhaps the dress is pleasant looking for you. Perhaps the dress matches the theme of the event you are attending. This is your perspective.

Your friend who goes to the shop with you, thinks that pink dress is hideous. Why? Perhaps your friend dislikes pink in general. Perhaps your friend just thinks that the dress is unpleasant looking for your friend. Perhaps pink doesn’t match your friend’s style. This is your friend’s perspective.

So, is your decision to like the pink dress wrong? No. Is your friend’s decision to dislike the pink dress wrong? No. Why? Because everyone views things differently. Everyone has different thought/opinions/viewpoints over the same thing.

Do you and your friend need to agree on the same thing? No. Do you need your friend’s permission to get that pink dress? No. Does your friend need to comply to your preference? No. Why? It’s an individual’s preference. No one has to agreed to anything.

Your friend expresses ultimate disgust with the pink dress. So you ask your friend, “Will you still go to the event with me even if I wear this pink dress there?”. Your friend replies, “Of course I will. I am going with you because you are my friend, not because of the dress.” Perhaps at that point of time, your friend doesn’t want to disappoint you.

On the day of the event, your friend doesn’t turn up. You get a bit disappointed. Why? Because your friend promised to come.

Are you in the wrong to express your disappointment? No. Why? Because in your perspective, your friend has promised something and you look forward to this promise.

Is your friend in the wrong not to turn up in the event? No. Why? Because in your friend’s perspective, your friend has done their job not to disappoint you when you bought that hideous pink dress and your friend feels not obliged to fulfill what has been merely mentioned.

I do not expect everyone to agree with me when I shared my previous post. That was why I mentioned, if you are a “judgmental, sensitive, easily-offended, narrow-minded person”, do not proceed reading. But I welcome and accept open comments, whether you agree or disagree with me. I will neither agree or disagree to your comments because it is an individual’s preference/perspectives.

I have never said I am saint without making any mistakes in life. That would be a lie. Everyone at some point of time would have made one or two or a few or many mistakes. I do made mistakes. I accept it, learn from it, and make improvements in life in order not to repeat the same mistake. That is my perspective. Other people made mistakes, and some mistakes affected my life. Do I have to accept what they have done? No. Why? Because this is my perspective. But they have repented and they think they should be forgiven. Are they right? Yes. Because that is their perspective. Must I accept it? No. Because this is my perspective. Is anyone at fault? No. Why? Because, everyone sees things differently.

As expected, unpleasant things always spread fast. It took someone 2 months to reply my message but it took less than 24 hours for this same person to reply to my unpleasant post about him on my blog. First of all, I really want to thank “a blogger, who shares info about life/turning over new leaf/$$/humanitarian topics and knows ur husband name, it was attention to me just fyi for reading, which didn’t know who was mr.TP.” for sharing this blog post to Mr. TP.

I have no intention to offend anyone. I am merely seeking an answer to a question which has been bugging me for some time. I am not asking for people to agree with my opinion. I am merely expressing something which I have previously experienced. In my perspective, this experience is a shit. For some others, it’s not a big deal. For many few others, it’s a stupid, ridiculous, irrelevant things even to be mentioned. Is anyone wrong? No. Everyone is right in their perspective.

I am not exactly a patient and good-tempered person. In fact, I get agitated quite easily. Those who are around me should know this fact better. As I mentioned earlier, humans always show preference on one over another. I am one of these humans. That explains why I bought the pink dress from that shop over any other dresses from other shops. However, I must say that I am a fair person and always stay neutral in opinions. Staying neutral for me means “being able to see things from different people’s perspective and giving the best feedback possible but that doesn’t mean I agree with these different perspectives”. Everyone close to me should know this better. And if you don’t, it’s because you aren’t.

More examples:

Example 1:
Once, a friend called me and complained about her boyfriend being inconsiderate. To be more specific, this boyfriend was very calculative with his money and was complaining that my friend was spending money unnecessarily. My friend of course justified to me that she didn’t spend unnecessarily by telling me what exactly she bought. My friend got annoyed and wanted to break up with him. I have never seen this boyfriend before. I didn’t know him. I didn’t have him on Facebook. I didn’t even know how he looked like. And yet, this is how I answered my friend.

“From your perspective, I can understand why you were annoyed. Because if I were you, I would probably going to feel the same thing too. However, you must think from his perspective. He perhaps doesn’t have much experience with dating and perhaps he didn’t mean it this way. And, it’s a good thing that he didn’t want to spend the money which he is now getting from his parents. That shows that he is a responsible man. He wants to spend with his own earned money. Please do not make hasty decision and think over what I said.”

Example 2:

This example happened just a few days ago. And, it’s a family affair. Several days ago, my mum, my sister, my husband and myself went to nearby supermarket to buy some groceries needed by my mum-in-law. Summer in Bulgaria can be quite hot with glaring sun and people here are used to walking to their destinations. This supermarket from home is about 10-15 minutes walking distance depending how fast a person walks. My family members will never walk to even the nearest supermarket to buy something. So when they have to walk here, it’s a big problem for them. My mum and my sis bought many snacks and many packs of juices, 3 packs to be specific. On the other hand, my husband had to buy 2 whole roasted chicken for my mum-in-law. Every plastic bags here costs 20 cents (which is about RM0.44) and it’s only available when requested. Of course my mum and sis didn’t know this and the cashier only gave 2 medium sized plastic bags to fill a whole lot of groceries. When my husband saw this, he obviously wasn’t happy. Why? Because he had to carry them home. It was okay if he could walk fast, but knowing the speed that my mum and my sis walk, I think it was quite devastating for him. Of course, everyone was panting and sweating when they reached home. Though my husband did not say anything but I knew he was unhappy about it. I don’t want to “praise” him but everyone who knows him knows that my husband is someone who is very patient and doesn’t show bad temper easily. So, what did I tell my husband?

“Bee, I know you are unhappy about the big portion of groceries you had to carry home in such small plastic bags, especially you have to walk in such slow pace with us. I can understand your frustration. But you have to know one thing, we came here with the purpose of preparing our wedding. Also, because I was working like hell before coming here, so for me the sole purpose is to get a good rest before the wedding and before going back to Malaysia. However, for my mum and sis, they are tourists. They came here with the intention to tour around. I know it’s difficult to bring them to “tour around” because they are not fans of museums or statues or parks. The thing they care the most, to buy souvenirs back for their friends in Malaysia. I know you hate shopping. But, think it from their perspectives. Would any tourist want to stay home and do nothing, even if it’s just for a day? So, let’s bring them out tomorrow, for the whole day. Let them shop til their content and satisfy their needs of buying souvenirs. I know you won’t like this idea, but just remember this, they are tourists.”

Of course, we went for museum visiting and shopping the very next day. There are also some other problems which occur later (which I am not going to talk about it). What I want to point out here is that, I stay neutral for both sides and try my best to give the best possible opinion. But of course, I am not god. I don’t agree to whichever side and I cannot solve the problem ultimately. But I’ll try my best.

I have the urge to publish the message which Mr TP wrote in reply to my blog post. But it’s a bit lengthy and I really didn’t want to waste anyone’s time. At end of the day, everyone will still insist that they themselves are righteous, truthful and conscientious so there’s no ending to this “feud”.

Since this person thinks that I’m at fault for pinpointing at him over such trivial matter, I shall not continue to “fight” against this person, or anyone else who are involved.

As I mentioned earlier, there’s not right or wrong. It’s the matter of perspective. Nobody has to agree/disagree with anyone. It’s a personal preference.

On second thought, I am really not a saint. I am a bad, revengeful, immature, unconscientious person.  So, please entertain yourself with the conversation below 😉 It’s for a limited time only!

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A Questionable Friendship

Wow, my last post was more than a year ago. And seriously, this entry is not even what I intended to post. But this issue has been bugging my thoughts for some time. So, before I make any irrational or unnecessary decisions, I would like to seek the opinion of the public 🙂 I probably would “hide” this post some time later (whenever I’m free), not because I have something to hide. It’s because I don’t wish something hideous to even exist on my lovely blog. But let’s see, how long time will this blog post remain.

I must remind that this blog post may not consist of the most beautiful words ever, so if you are a judgmental, sensitive, easily-offended, narrow-minded person, I advise you not to read further.

To proceed with this story, I may need to go back to the “once upon a time” tale, so please bear with me 🙂

Recently, I have been busy with many things – wedding preparations, work, marriage-related documents verification etc. For those who have been following my Facebook news feed, I am sure I don’t have to go further. As busy as I am, sometimes I couldn’t help it but still being bothered with some shits which are lingering around me. As usual, people would just say “Oh, don’t be bothered about it”, “Oh, don’t waste your time on this.” or “Oh, don’t think about it.”. The truth is, “Of course I will think about it when shit happens to me. Come on, I am not a saint. You really expect me to like forget everything after people shit on me? Really? Would you do that?”.

Okay, back to my story.

I have started inviting friends to my wedding back in January 2013. It’s not because I am “kiasu” (scare to lose) or “kiasi” (scare to die). This invitation is what I called “the first round invitation” because ONLY my very very very very very close friends were notified. I hope that by letting my best friends know my wedding date, they could have make proper arrangements so that all my best friends can attend my wedding in July. This story is not about my wedding, it’s not about the wedding invitation, it’s about a person whom I have invited, both regrettably and regretfully.

So, on January 16, 2013 at 5.09pm, I wrote/PM-ed to this person (let’s call him Mr. TP since he is “this person”) on Facebook. And, Mr. TP never replied to my message. In fact, I was quite pissed off because he was the only person who did not respond to my message. WHY? First of all, Facebook stated that he has “seen” the message. Secondly, even if he is an extremely busy person, I don’t think replying something like “Sure, I’ll think about it” will take him more than 10 seconds. So, being busy is not a good excuse for this.

MyPost

On February 18, 2013, I posted on my Facebook questioning about friendship (refer above). Why did I do so? It’s because I found out that many of my “friends” have added a particular person (let’s call this particular person Ms. H, yes, it’s a “she” and why is it “H”? I’ll leave that to your imagination 😉 ) Okay, why am I angry? This Ms. H is an all-time biggest shit. She is the most fake person or fakest (if there’s such a word) on earth, and would do resort to any tricks just for her advantage. So, who is this Ms H? Let me summarise all the “good deeds” she has done.

  1. She loves acting innocent.
  2. If both you and your boyfriend happen to be her friends, she would make sure she would get you “couple souvenirs” each time she goes somewhere so her presence will haunt you everywhere possible.
  3. She would voluntarily accompany you when you need to buy presents for your boyfriend. Again, haunting presence.
  4. When you and your boyfriend go dating, she would happily join you without thinking twice.
  5. She has a habit of hooking up with her friends’ boyfriends or ex-boyfriends (if you think hooking up with ex-boyfriends doesn’t really matter, read the next point.)
  6. After you break up with your boyfriend, she would call you (normally she wouldn’t but at this point of time, she would “display” how much she “cares” for you) and comfort you and tells you that your ex-boyfriend is a jerk and you make the right choice to leave him (still sounds “normal”?).
  7. Then, she would hook up with your ex-boyfriend whom she said was a jerk. (Trust me, this is not the worst part).
  8. During this time when she secretly dates your ex-boyfriend, she continues to brainwash you that he is the biggest jerk.
  9. Then one day, you suddenly find out that this ex-boyfriend is dating someone (of course you still wouldn’t know who is this “secret lady”). And how did you find out? Your ex-boyfriend “accidentally” forwards the “proposal message” which he sent to her to you. Wow, that’s just great!
  10. And of course, by now, you are wondering who is this secret person. Well, at this time Ms. H calls you and tells you to meet. During the meeting, she keeps asking about the details of your ex-relationship with your ex-boyfriend, and asks you if you know any news about your ex-boyfriend.
  11. After digging out all information, she happily tells you that “Oh, in fact I am dating your ex-boyfriend now. He wishes to get your approval first before we goes official. However, we want to keep it a low profile relationship.”
  12. The so-called “low-profile” relationship turns out to be publishing on Facebook the very next day and every mutual friends between you and your ex-boyfriend come to ask you “What is going on?”.
  13. Your misfortune doesn’t end here. She then makes sure all of your ex-boyfriend’s friends hate you. Of course, she continues to “act” to be innocent, lovely and kind-hearted.
  14. Soon, she will make your ex-boyfriend block you on Facebook for unknown reason. Obviously by now, you will be pissed and you naturally will remove (note here, it’s not block, just remove) her from friend’s list. Then, she would innocently message and ask “Why is she not in your friend’s list anymore?” I mean, seriously!?!??!
  15. Of course, when she asks like this, me (aka an idiot) adds her again, thinking that she really means well. But then, she replied “I’ll not accept your request because I don’t want you to see the pictures of me and “him”  which I will post in future. WTH?!?! Then why in the first place you asked me WHY you are not in my friend’s list?
  16. She obviously knows that friends who are being tagged in pictures will naturally appear in other friends’ news feed. Of course, she will the purposefully tag your mutual friends with her, to show how happily and successfully she has snatched every friends that you once had. Whatever.
  17. Another thing is that, she will of course set her Facebook privacy setting to “a certain level”, only exposing the flowers, gifts, and big diamond rings that your ex-boyfriend has given her. Also, other important events such as proposal, engagement, pre-wedding photos. Everything that she can show how blissful she is.
  18. Years later, people are still asking you the same fucking questions. Wow, talk about haunting presence.

Shit3

Shit4

Wow, she really has a long list of good deeds.

Apparently, Mr TP added Ms H on Facebook. Not just Mr TP. In fact, many others also added Ms H. Therefore, I told myself, I don’t need to revolve around this pile of shits. I know we have mutual friends. And, friends tagging other friends in photos will definitely appear on my news feed. I really don’t want my news feed to be filled with filth so I took the liberty of removing these shits from my friend list. (Oh, so if you were removed, then you are that shit). Of course, Mr TP was removed too.

Anyway, on March 18, 2013, about a month after I have removed the shits, Mr TP actually replied to my message (which I sent in January). I purposefully “seen” it but did not reply him. Then on May 18, 2013, Mr TP wrote me again regarding the “wedding invitation”. In fact, I really really really really really didn’t want to reply him at all. But I thought it was rather unfair for me to just unfriend him without letting him to know the reason. So, I asked him out for lunch, with Nyago of course.

Shit1

At lunch, I told him that I have already unfriended him and I actually intended not to invite him anymore. Obviously, he asked why. So I told him the reason was because he added Ms H. So he told me that it was her who added him, and he was merely accepting the request. Well, this is something I believe because I always know that Ms H always wants to prove that she is better. Of course, I told Mr TP all the shits that Ms H has done towards me. Mr TP then told me that coincidently he just met with Mr Ex-boyfriend and Ms H a month ago, together with Mr TP’s girlfriend. Mr. TP’s girlfriend (let’s call her Ms. Smart), is a very smart person. When she first met Ms H, she told Mr TP that she dislikes Ms H because (I quote her) “she is very cunning”. Ms. Smart added that Ms H is someone who seeks “fame and security”. Hello, even if you don’t trust what I said, at least you should trust your girlfriend’s opinion. After all, you have been with her for 9 years. Why are men so stupid? Always allowing others continuously to cheat them despite warning? Now you know why I posted this on my Facebook (refer below).

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I told Mr TP that I will never add him on Facebook unless he removes Ms H from his friend’s list. Seriously, unless you are my very good friend, I would never ask you to do such a thing. Up to now, I have never asked my friend to remove anyone because I don’t like someone. To put it simply, I have never disliked anyone in my life as much as Ms H before. But after what she has done, how I can simply forget?

Mr TP told me that he would remove Ms H because “it doesn’t matter to him as she is not somebody important” (I quote him). After hearing this, I actually felt that Mr TP is indeed a good friend. On the same night, I “stalked” (I am not ashamed to use this word) Mr TP’s profile and of course I saw that Ms H is still on his list. I told Nyago, why hasn’t he done as what he promised? My husband is a very nice person, he said “your friend is travelling tomorrow, he’s tired. Just give him some time. I believe he will do what he has promised.” Two days later, I stalked again. Again, he didn’t remove Ms. H. 10 days later, he still hasn’t removed. I gave up totally. I told Nyago, up to 7 days before my wedding, if he still hasn’t removed Ms H, I would tell him not to come to my wedding anymore.

I felt quite upset. WHY is this person, whom I considered as a good friend, lie to me? If you cannot do what you have promised, then you are not a good friend at all, at least to me you are not at all.

I am a very sentimental, emotional and temperamental person. So I know, as long as I see Mr TP appearing on my chat list (eventhough he is no longer in my friend’s list), I’ll still get upset. So, I archived my chat with him.

On June 11, 2013, he again messaged me, confirming his attendance to my wedding dinner. I sent him a friend request without checking his friend list. WHY? Because I trust that if he messages, I am sure he remembers what he promised and I trust that he will fulfil his promise. He accepted my friend request almost immediately and then he asked “Wah…now only add me 😦 ” I mean, can’t you add me if I don’t add you? Must I be the one to add you first?

Shit2

Of course, I did another (and also the last) round of checking. He DIDN’T remove Ms H. I was disappointed. This person betrays my trust.

To Mr TP:
By the way, it’s not about moving on or what. Of course everyone has to move on in life. Has time ever gone backwards? Please don’t say some stupidity. Obviously, I have never regretted any decision I made in life. And seriously, do I need to mention all the good things I have in life now without “him”? The point here is, I dislike Ms. H and you promised me something and you broke my trust. DO NOT promise anything in the first place if you CANNOT fulfill. That makes you a weakling.

And also, my husband’s name is Nyagoslav. In short, people call him Nyago. It’s not a Vietnamese name. He is a Bulgarian. Please don’t argue with me that you have worked with a lot of Vietnamese whose names are “Nyago”. As far as I understood, their surnames are either Nguyen or Ngo which are totally different from Nyago. Are you seriously questioning me or my husband for his name? Do you seriously think you know better than we do? Come on, you are running businesses, don’t tell me you don’t know the basics of addressing people in their correct names?

And for the last time, DO NOT mention “Wow, your English has improved tremendously” to me. Seriously, you just gotta say that to me each time you talk to me? Don’t you ever get tired? People grow up, people move on, people improve. And, I am one of them. If you are still saying all these fucking things, that means you haven’t grown up mentally.

I am sorry this story is a bit long. I have tried to summarised it as short as possible, but there are some details which I just cannot exclude at all.

My questions now are:

  1. Does this person deserve my trust and friendship?
  2. Should I pretend nothing is wrong and let him attend my wedding?
  3. Should I completely remove him not just from my friend’s list but also from my life?

Your feedback is very much appreciated. I hope I can have a definite answer towards this person (Mr TP) a.s.a.p.

Thanks!

From someone who feels betrayed.