Month: June 2013

A Questionable Friendship – The Finale

2 posts in 2 days’ time. I have never been so diligent, I must say.

Humans show preferences. And, this is based on an individual’s perspective. Is such perspective right or wrong? It’s neither right nor wrong. It’s a personal preference. It’s as simple as why a person chooses something over another.

Let me give you an example / a scenario:

You go to a shop to buy a dress with your friend. You see a pink dress and you like it. Why? Perhaps you like pink. Perhaps the dress is pleasant looking for you. Perhaps the dress matches the theme of the event you are attending. This is your perspective.

Your friend who goes to the shop with you, thinks that pink dress is hideous. Why? Perhaps your friend dislikes pink in general. Perhaps your friend just thinks that the dress is unpleasant looking for your friend. Perhaps pink doesn’t match your friend’s style. This is your friend’s perspective.

So, is your decision to like the pink dress wrong? No. Is your friend’s decision to dislike the pink dress wrong? No. Why? Because everyone views things differently. Everyone has different thought/opinions/viewpoints over the same thing.

Do you and your friend need to agree on the same thing? No. Do you need your friend’s permission to get that pink dress? No. Does your friend need to comply to your preference? No. Why? It’s an individual’s preference. No one has to agreed to anything.

Your friend expresses ultimate disgust with the pink dress. So you ask your friend, “Will you still go to the event with me even if I wear this pink dress there?”. Your friend replies, “Of course I will. I am going with you because you are my friend, not because of the dress.” Perhaps at that point of time, your friend doesn’t want to disappoint you.

On the day of the event, your friend doesn’t turn up. You get a bit disappointed. Why? Because your friend promised to come.

Are you in the wrong to express your disappointment? No. Why? Because in your perspective, your friend has promised something and you look forward to this promise.

Is your friend in the wrong not to turn up in the event? No. Why? Because in your friend’s perspective, your friend has done their job not to disappoint you when you bought that hideous pink dress and your friend feels not obliged to fulfill what has been merely mentioned.

I do not expect everyone to agree with me when I shared my previous post. That was why I mentioned, if you are a “judgmental, sensitive, easily-offended, narrow-minded person”, do not proceed reading. But I welcome and accept open comments, whether you agree or disagree with me. I will neither agree or disagree to your comments because it is an individual’s preference/perspectives.

I have never said I am saint without making any mistakes in life. That would be a lie. Everyone at some point of time would have made one or two or a few or many mistakes. I do made mistakes. I accept it, learn from it, and make improvements in life in order not to repeat the same mistake. That is my perspective. Other people made mistakes, and some mistakes affected my life. Do I have to accept what they have done? No. Why? Because this is my perspective. But they have repented and they think they should be forgiven. Are they right? Yes. Because that is their perspective. Must I accept it? No. Because this is my perspective. Is anyone at fault? No. Why? Because, everyone sees things differently.

As expected, unpleasant things always spread fast. It took someone 2 months to reply my message but it took less than 24 hours for this same person to reply to my unpleasant post about him on my blog. First of all, I really want to thank “a blogger, who shares info about life/turning over new leaf/$$/humanitarian topics and knows ur husband name, it was attention to me just fyi for reading, which didn’t know who was mr.TP.” for sharing this blog post to Mr. TP.

I have no intention to offend anyone. I am merely seeking an answer to a question which has been bugging me for some time. I am not asking for people to agree with my opinion. I am merely expressing something which I have previously experienced. In my perspective, this experience is a shit. For some others, it’s not a big deal. For many few others, it’s a stupid, ridiculous, irrelevant things even to be mentioned. Is anyone wrong? No. Everyone is right in their perspective.

I am not exactly a patient and good-tempered person. In fact, I get agitated quite easily. Those who are around me should know this fact better. As I mentioned earlier, humans always show preference on one over another. I am one of these humans. That explains why I bought the pink dress from that shop over any other dresses from other shops. However, I must say that I am a fair person and always stay neutral in opinions. Staying neutral for me means “being able to see things from different people’s perspective and giving the best feedback possible but that doesn’t mean I agree with these different perspectives”. Everyone close to me should know this better. And if you don’t, it’s because you aren’t.

More examples:

Example 1:
Once, a friend called me and complained about her boyfriend being inconsiderate. To be more specific, this boyfriend was very calculative with his money and was complaining that my friend was spending money unnecessarily. My friend of course justified to me that she didn’t spend unnecessarily by telling me what exactly she bought. My friend got annoyed and wanted to break up with him. I have never seen this boyfriend before. I didn’t know him. I didn’t have him on Facebook. I didn’t even know how he looked like. And yet, this is how I answered my friend.

“From your perspective, I can understand why you were annoyed. Because if I were you, I would probably going to feel the same thing too. However, you must think from his perspective. He perhaps doesn’t have much experience with dating and perhaps he didn’t mean it this way. And, it’s a good thing that he didn’t want to spend the money which he is now getting from his parents. That shows that he is a responsible man. He wants to spend with his own earned money. Please do not make hasty decision and think over what I said.”

Example 2:

This example happened just a few days ago. And, it’s a family affair. Several days ago, my mum, my sister, my husband and myself went to nearby supermarket to buy some groceries needed by my mum-in-law. Summer in Bulgaria can be quite hot with glaring sun and people here are used to walking to their destinations. This supermarket from home is about 10-15 minutes walking distance depending how fast a person walks. My family members will never walk to even the nearest supermarket to buy something. So when they have to walk here, it’s a big problem for them. My mum and my sis bought many snacks and many packs of juices, 3 packs to be specific. On the other hand, my husband had to buy 2 whole roasted chicken for my mum-in-law. Every plastic bags here costs 20 cents (which is about RM0.44) and it’s only available when requested. Of course my mum and sis didn’t know this and the cashier only gave 2 medium sized plastic bags to fill a whole lot of groceries. When my husband saw this, he obviously wasn’t happy. Why? Because he had to carry them home. It was okay if he could walk fast, but knowing the speed that my mum and my sis walk, I think it was quite devastating for him. Of course, everyone was panting and sweating when they reached home. Though my husband did not say anything but I knew he was unhappy about it. I don’t want to “praise” him but everyone who knows him knows that my husband is someone who is very patient and doesn’t show bad temper easily. So, what did I tell my husband?

“Bee, I know you are unhappy about the big portion of groceries you had to carry home in such small plastic bags, especially you have to walk in such slow pace with us. I can understand your frustration. But you have to know one thing, we came here with the purpose of preparing our wedding. Also, because I was working like hell before coming here, so for me the sole purpose is to get a good rest before the wedding and before going back to Malaysia. However, for my mum and sis, they are tourists. They came here with the intention to tour around. I know it’s difficult to bring them to “tour around” because they are not fans of museums or statues or parks. The thing they care the most, to buy souvenirs back for their friends in Malaysia. I know you hate shopping. But, think it from their perspectives. Would any tourist want to stay home and do nothing, even if it’s just for a day? So, let’s bring them out tomorrow, for the whole day. Let them shop til their content and satisfy their needs of buying souvenirs. I know you won’t like this idea, but just remember this, they are tourists.”

Of course, we went for museum visiting and shopping the very next day. There are also some other problems which occur later (which I am not going to talk about it). What I want to point out here is that, I stay neutral for both sides and try my best to give the best possible opinion. But of course, I am not god. I don’t agree to whichever side and I cannot solve the problem ultimately. But I’ll try my best.

I have the urge to publish the message which Mr TP wrote in reply to my blog post. But it’s a bit lengthy and I really didn’t want to waste anyone’s time. At end of the day, everyone will still insist that they themselves are righteous, truthful and conscientious so there’s no ending to this “feud”.

Since this person thinks that I’m at fault for pinpointing at him over such trivial matter, I shall not continue to “fight” against this person, or anyone else who are involved.

As I mentioned earlier, there’s not right or wrong. It’s the matter of perspective. Nobody has to agree/disagree with anyone. It’s a personal preference.

On second thought, I am really not a saint. I am a bad, revengeful, immature, unconscientious person.  So, please entertain yourself with the conversation below 😉 It’s for a limited time only!